There’s a lot of controversy these days over the dudes interrupting women’s complaints about guy behavior to interject, “Not All Men!” Which, you know, it’s true – not all men do these creepy-ass things, but so many men do it that all women are affected by it. Hence the rise of the much-needed #YesAllWomen hashtag.
And I have some sympathy for some of the dudes who interject, “Not all men!” because frankly, some significant percentage of these dudes are simply clueless and in need of some education. I know if someone made a comment about the stupid things that writers or polyamorous people do, I’d probably say “Not all of us!” reflexively, just because yeah, there’s a gut-feel to respond that way even if it utterly doesn’t fix the problem that those writers/polyamorous people/men are doing fucking awful things.
(Which is why the #YesAllWomen idea was brilliant, sparking just how our society’s permeated with anti-women problems. As a guy, I’ve never had to worry about being sexually assaulted once; I literally do not know of a woman I’ve been close to who hasn’t.)
But you know who pisses me off? The Men’s Rights Advocates who whine, “Not all men do that! How dare you assume we’re rapists or abusers?”
Dudes, you fucking say “All women do this” all the fucking time.
The women who say “I’m afraid of men,” well, most of them seem to grok that some percentage of men are okay, but enough of them are a danger that it’s hard to trust. (As has been noted on the Internet, “10% of these M&Ms are poisoned. Eat a handful. Tell me, ‘Not all M&Ms.’”)
But the MRA idiots I’ve run into talk about all women, and seem to mean it. All women just wanna use men. All women want a certain kind of man, the alpha male, with chiseled abs and money and the ability to lead a conversation. All women want to transform society into some emotional tear-zone where women’s rights are privileged merely by dint of their sheer womanhood.
They’re furious at women because all women require them to act in absurd and ridiculous ways to get laid, and my God they are so bitter at all women because all women did that to them.
Clueless guys, I can maybe excuse. But you? Shit, all you do is get on the Internet all day and go, “Women are this, women are that”… and then you have the balls to get annoyed when someone makes a generalization about men?
Christ, you have the least right to complain, given that your entire philosophy is a shitty generalization.
And you know, I’m kinda sympathetic that you can’t get a partner to cuddle – human companionship is a fundamental need of mankind, and if there’s a phrase I’d feel comfortable applying to “all people” it would be “people don’t like to feel alone.” I myself spent years locked in my room as a teenager, with no friends, seriously facing down a future where no woman would touch me ever, and I still have flashbacks to those days. So I understand that being lonely is a terrible thing that can leave deep scars, even if you’re lonely because you’re a complete and utter asshole.
But women? Are more likely to be killed by men than heart attacks. Abusive men are, quite literally, their number-one danger right through middle age.
And when I compare your “I’m lonely” or “I bought her an iPhone and she didn’t even sleep with me” to their “I got raped and murdered,” I kiiiiinda have to prioritize their needs over yours, you know? Especially when you can actually be less lonely by giving up your expectation that women are some sort of slot machine where you keep putting in affection until the pussy spills out, and she has no realistic way of avoiding dudes creeping on her except maybe by living as a hermit in the woods.
So yeah. Maybe it’s not all men. But those men who do affect about as close to “all women” as you can get. And of all the people who get to bitch about generalizations, you will not be one of them, Mister MRA, until you back off mainlining that outrage about what “all women” do.
Cross-posted from Ferrett's Real Blog.