Date: 2017-05-25 03:48 pm (UTC)
klgaffney: a small plotting black cat is sitting between the forepaws of a cheerful looking asian black bear. (w.)
From: [personal profile] klgaffney
I understand the first points, but the last--fondness vs love , is way too arbitrary and ill-defined. It's also not even remotely something I'd lump in with the previous points; is there really anything negative about finding comfort and stability with someone one is deeply fond of? What is the other magical ideal true love option?

Is there an expectation for fireworks/infatuation/emotional stimulation on a constant basis? I get that a lot of long-termers are unhappy, for various reasons, and that sucks. But the implication here is that there's an emotional performance requirement, or the relationship 'based on mutual fondness' is as terrible as the previous. As someone who experiences drastic variations in emotional state, this would be....a suboptimal yardstick to use to determine the validity of any of my relationships, long-term or otherwise.

Disclaimer: I'm not pissed or offended or anything, I'm just trying to figure out where you're coming from. I'm saying this as an aspie who has been married for 18 years, with a spouse by all appearances is still very much in love, whereas my natural tendancy is to be distant-but-fond; I've been thru the infatuation phase and it sucks; strong emotion is actively disruptive and painful to me. Trust and an ability to connect is more a priority for me. I have trust issues. I trust him. I trust he will not knowingly do harm, I trust that he will not misunderstand or even accidently reject my attempts to express affection; and after 18 years he is still absolutely my choice to stand back-to-back with when the zombie apocalypse comes, screw all the rest. This is apparently the form my love takes; I don't think I'm confused, I think my experience and expectations of what love looks like are valid. They're just not necessarily the same as other folks, that's all.

tl;dr: Fondness can be active. Also words are hard, man.
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